H2B. . .

So, last week there were redundancies made in H2B's workplace. H2B spent the better part of a month worrying that he would be out of a job. The stress at home just kept growing and growing and we were arguing  nearly every day. 


Now it turns out that he's safe, for the next month. After that there are worries that they won't take him on (he finishes his apprenticeship next month). We've talked about our options and what we're going to do (at this point I'm glad we don't have kids or a mortgage we have to pay for). 


His answer: going into the REME. Royal Electrical and Mechanical Engineers. He wants to go into the forces and I'm not sure how I'm supposed to react to that...


On one hand I'm proud of him, he's always wanted to do it and he's finally going to. He's fulfilling a his dreams. He'd be serving his country  and earning a good pay packet and qualifications. If he stayed in the REME for 20years+ he'd be set for life with a really good pay out and pension. He'd have so many qualifications he'd never really get anywhere else. 


On the other hand, that leaves me behind. He'd have to go to which ever college they send him to for a few years to train and then he'd go to his first deployment in another country. I can't just up and move because I have my own qualifications to think about, I'm already in university. It would mean months on end apart, no more cwtches and snuggling up after a long hard day. No one to talk to for hours about the endless crap that seems to flood my mind.No one to open tins, jars or pop bottles for me (damned RA!). No one to help me dress on a bad day (bloody RA again).But then does that mean I am too dependant upon him anyway? Does that make the prospect of him leaving worse? My life would just have a large H2B shaped hole in it. We'd stay together, but it's not the same is it? The H2B also wants children in the next couple of years after university, where does that leave me? Will I be virtually a single mother to three children? (that's how many we would like) Will I have to juggle everything alone? I don't want to make him feel guilty for going so I'm not saying much, but should I tell him how I feel? What if he stays for me and then resents me later on?


My heart goes out to any family with a member in the armed forces. My father was in the army and I missed him every single day, hoping he wasn't involved in the latest explosion on the BBC news. The women and children who go through every day living like this deserve a medal, you are so much stronger than I think I could ever be. 


Anyway, there's my rather selfish rant looking back over it and reading it but it's how I honestly feel. I hope everything works out for the best, selfishness aside.